True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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