If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
