Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
