Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
