You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
