you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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