A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
