He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
