i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
