I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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