I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
