I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
