Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
