if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
