Kareoke will never be a sober sport
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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