Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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