plz talk dirty to me
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just cut my nipple shaving
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
