Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
