i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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