you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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