he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
