we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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