I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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