? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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