Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize