I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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