i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
