Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
