im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
