Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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