If i come over, it means nothing
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
