Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
