How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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