I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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