I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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