I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
