My Higher Power is John Stamos
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
