why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
