seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
