all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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