Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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