I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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