Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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