I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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