so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
