xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
