true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
