So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
