Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
