pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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