We're facebook friends in real life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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