I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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