i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
