Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
