How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
