all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's never too late to be topless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
