strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
