He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
