Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
