is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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