O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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