I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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