Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
