I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
