meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
