its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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