i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
