she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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