"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You ate ashes out of my bong
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
