Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
