He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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