and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
