So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
