i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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