the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
