I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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