where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
