Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's blow job season.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
