Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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