Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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