I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
