so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
two words: eviction party
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You made out with two different species that night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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