Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
