i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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