Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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