How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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