Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
