we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
