Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
