my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize