Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
