"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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