i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
