I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
